Times like this, I realize how much I miss writing. When I write, I shut down everything around me. At this point of time, that's the only thing that I need. To just shut down everything and ramble on to myself, and only myself. I don't want to pick up the pieces and move on, not just yet. I'm not done yet. I need to feel this pain, and perhaps carve it on my heart so that I know better the next time. Not that I wish that there will be a next time, but just in case life decides to be a bitch again. On a not so different note, my feelings are pretty much not balanced right now. How can I decide what I want when I don't even know what I want? Perhaps it doesn't make sense, but it does to me.

This might be goodbye for you, but not for me, my friend. Need I remind you that I am a pretty stubborn girl? I'm not ready to let go.

21:51

In just a split second, anything and everything can change. Your whole world can come tumblin' down, right in your face. Everything that you have worked so hard for in keeping, can just disappear. Everything that seems so right to you, can suddenly become so wrong. But that is nothing compared to when a friend is lost. One minute they are there, and the next they can just be gone, gone with the wind. Whether you like it, or not. Whether you're prepared for it, or not. One single slip, and that's all it takes. I did this to myself, so I have no one to depend on other than myself to get through this. I've hurt so many people along the way, I wouldn't want to be dragging any more people along with me while I get through this. I never intend for it to end like this, but I'm not capable of altering the future either. Everything happens for a reason, they say. But I still don't see the reason for this to happen. Or maybe I'm just in denial. How can I not be? I just wanted to protect a person's feelings, but I never knew it would cost me another person's feelings. Well, too late for anything now ain't it? This is why I used to keep myself away from people, because I somehow knew that I would screw everything up. I was proven right, the hard way. Tell me now, how do you reckon I live with myself now? How do I wake up in the morning and look at myself in the mirror? How do I forgive myself?

Whenever I tell you to trust me, please don't. Ask those two people I've hurt, they will tell you exactly this : ' Never trust her'

Frankly, I don't blame them.

I'm sorry for causing any trouble, but I sure hope that we can work things out in the future. When you finally decide to forgive me. Yes, both of you. I really treasure what I had with both of you and I'm not ready to let it go. Not just yet.

20:48

Well, what do you know? I can already cross out one of the many things from my pretend new year's resolutions list. Surprise surprise, I finally made good use of the pool. Mom sure would be so proud of me, right on. Honestly, it was a super relaxing day. I wish for more days like this to come in this brand new year. On a different note, I didn't bother making any new years resolution simply because they usually lasts for a month, at the most. So why bother? I shall be wise and not waste time. If I decide to change something about my life, then I will do as I wish. No need to jot it all down now, si?

Thought so too :)

23:28

What better way is there to welcome a brand new year than with my loved ones? Without drunken bastards attempting (and sometimes succeeding too) in groping our assets, that is. Throw in some good ol' pepperoni pizzas, fizzy drinks, a horror movie namely Paranormal Activity, a game of twister (not nude twister, sadly) and we got ourselves one hell of an amazing night. Without even having to step foot outside of my comfort zone that is, my home. Not having to strap into our 5 inch stilettos was definitely a plus. Screaming in our most high pitched voice while watching Paranormal Activity was such a funny sight, especially when the lads started screaming louder than us girls. The house was pitch black, mind you. The only light was coming from the telly, that's all. God forbid, how do you reckon we all sleep at night now? Being so hooked with the movie, we almost forgot the reason we were all gathering there. But fret not, we were just in time to catch the beautiful fireworks filling up the night sky with their pretty colours not from one, but from eight different places. Take that, hah! Hands down, the best NYE celebration. For me, atleast.

From NYE

23:33

Times like this, I realize how much I miss writing. When I write, I shut down everything around me. At this point of time, that's the only thing that I need. To just shut down everything and ramble on to myself, and only myself. I don't want to pick up the pieces and move on, not just yet. I'm not done yet. I need to feel this pain, and perhaps carve it on my heart so that I know better the next time. Not that I wish that there will be a next time, but just in case life decides to be a bitch again. On a not so different note, my feelings are pretty much not balanced right now. How can I decide what I want when I don't even know what I want? Perhaps it doesn't make sense, but it does to me.

This might be goodbye for you, but not for me, my friend. Need I remind you that I am a pretty stubborn girl? I'm not ready to let go.

21:51
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